Category Archives: shut up already

50 words...and go...

If I wanted to wear GAP clothes, wear dr. martens, listen to nothing but the radio, and rock out to the same awful guitar effects and a bajillion of the same songs about war on (what feels to me to be) repeat, I MIGHT listen to U2.

Done. In 47 words.

Also,

the sunglasses. Possibly a cool "trademark" in the 90s. It's now 10 years past the 90s.

Wait. I'm not done.

Really?

The real question is, what's really under that cap? Additionally, do I really HAVE to like U2? Just because they're the most ubiquitous band in history?

Nope.

I got in big trouble with a coworker today for harboring these violently abhorrent feelings towards U2. He gave me a "shut yo' mouf" hand motion because I supposedly don't know anything about U2.

But what he doesn't realize is that between three older siblings who all loved and adored U2 from the 80s-90s, I've heard it all.  In fact, I woke up to it every morning. Loudly. I listened to it in my sister's white jetta on the way to get some guess jeans at the mall after watching Full House.

Also, you don't even have to have older siblings to know U2 because they're easily the most overplayed band quite possibly ever.

Also, they don't need their own iPod.

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Being unemployed because of a most unfortunate smash and grab that put us out of business is awesome. It means I have all the time in the world to chill with Penny and watch bad daytime TV.

Except this week, the bad daytime tv is exceptionally bad. Every channel I turn to is weight loss now! new year, new you! let's obsess about calories and hate ourselves! exercise!

Enough is enough.

I propose that we start a new resolution trend--enjoying what we eat and lovin' our bodies however they come.

I'm mad. I've had it. I can't go anywhere without hearing something about weight loss and dieting and exercising. Kill me.

Why do I care so much?

Because everyone talks about the obesity epidemic, but nobody ever mentions that eating disorders are more rampant than ever.

It's not really a secret that I'm a recovering anorexic. Yes, I got a food tube shoved down my nose and yes, I did land myself in rehab for a rockin' awesome 6 months. It sucked.  But I'm open about it because I feel like I SHOULD be open about it. It's about time women were open about it.

It's a colossal issue, and it's going completely unnoticed.

So yeah, I do get annoyed when all I hear about is weight loss and making your body something it isn't. It may have been 4 years since I was in rehab, but that doesn't mean I don't fight it every day. Everything's a trigger--I can hear the word "diet" from all the way across the restaurant and let it completely ruin my dinner because that's all I think about. Ridiculous? Yes. Should I get over it? Certainly. Is it that easy? No.

The whole point of this awkward post is just that I feel like it's about time we all stopped obsessing over dieting and exercising and just started living in the moment. It sure would make things a hell of a lot easier for me and I'm sure a bajillion other women all over the place.

Just shut up and enjoy your life. Love your body. Quit being vain. And for hell's sakes just make a different new years resolution this year. It'll be refreshing, I swear. Plus you won't be contributing to "the man" that is the gargantuan dieting business that makes billions every year off your gullible foolishness. Doesn't that feel good?

And just to lighten the mood and let you know that I'm serious but still not that serious....

Just aspire to this brilliant show of confidence. You can get low in the public restroom no matter what yo' body looks like. mmmm-hmmm.