so, to cheer me up and make me feel better about eating nasty ricola throat lozenges, we’ll have a nice TTMG friday.

1. frosted tips

it’s amazing how often i still see these.

of course, if you’re a young father-to-be, you might be able to pull this look off:

she’s a lucky lady!

2. thug hats with stickers

is lil’ john still cool? last time i checked most white guys weren’t lil john, so i’m not sure what this is about. the thing is, this is a really old trend, but it’s still so prevalent ’round these parts.

i’d prolly support the stickers on the hat trend if they were all patriotic like the above hat. that’s just being a good american.

3. politicians writing books

case in point:

since when were politicians celebs? and since when did being a politician/celeb make you qualified to write a book? what makes you think you’re important enough to write a book about your life? and, since when was it ok to write an autobiography? that just seems completely self-absorbed to me. maybe if someone else wants to write a book about you but…writing a book about yourself? whatever man.

4. inspirational quotes

i’m sick of these. stop posting them on facebook. stop putting them in vinyl on your walls. just stop.

unless it’s quotes like this…

also, when i searched for jack handy, i found this:

crazy.

5. ke$ha

submitted by mz. jenny andrus, i couldn’t agree more.

oddly enough, i couldn’t find a picture of her not making this face.

i just….i’d really like to know whose brilliant idea it was to put a $ sign in her name. are you kidding me? is she a rapper? no. does she have gold grills? no. is she running around in lil’ john’s krunk club? no. by the transitive property, she’s not allowed to put $ signs in her name.

6. people not putting shopping carts away

submitted by callie morby and a subject near and dear to my heart.  are you kidding me? the little cart corral is literally two steps away from your car. propping it on the curb is not ok. and just putting it between spaces is definitely not ok. just because the cart isn’t rolling away now doesn’t mean it won’t two seconds from now when you pull away and your car isn’t there to hold it in place anymore.

maybe if you’re too lazy to put your cart away you shouldn’t have the right to use a cart. maybe this is a better solution for you:

or maybe you could just use your cart as your car and solve the problem completely:

and since i so terribly neglected my blogging duties for an entire week, we’ll have a feast of weekly WINS! to help make my strep go away faster.

first of all, this website, submitted my mz. marci monson is incredible. please check it out and support your local prom dress dealer.

i love this for so many reasons.

where is this family and how can i join?

of course, it wouldn’t be a TTMG without a proper artistic prego pic:

and lastly,

what premium friends he must have!

well that’s all for this week. have a good weekend everyone, and don’t get sick! use your germ-x and steer clear from me.

have a good one.

the good news is that come rain, snow, or shine, it’s a things that must go friday.

1. affliction clothing

i like a little affliction paired with a little ed hardy. i also love to listen to bush and staind while watching UFC and taking steroids.

i’m mostly just glad that they made a special edition korn tee. i know i can’t get enough of trashy 1999 dread-be-locked angst rock.

2. people that leave the “sent from my iphone” signature on their phone

oh ok. you sent this from your iphone. that means you’re really busy and important. AND you have an iphone. that’s high-rolling, my friend. thanks for finding time in your busy, on-the-go schedule to shoot me a quick email from your car “sent from your iphone.”

ps. you can take that signature off. it’s under settings. just sayin’.

pps. quit emailing me from your car. you’re going to kill us all.

and along similar lines…

3. bluetooth headsets

oh, i get it. you’re really important and get a lot of calls, so you need a phone in your eat at all times. i know it makes you feel cool and totally robo cop, but in reality…the glory of bluetooth is long gone.  so if you’re wearing it to look cool, you’re sorely mistaken.

wired magazine named it the ear mullet. they also said it was the highest form of douchebaggery.

i concur.

unless you’re this guy…

the bluetooth headset must go.

4. people that don’t use paragraphs

i love reading blogs that don’t use paragraphs. i really like reading large blocks of text. i mean, it’s really convenient. my eyes like never-ending text. it makes them feel really good. especially when the text is about baby’s first rollover or how much they love to watch twilight while baby is napping. paragraphs are really lame, so i can see why people would want to read really long stories that never have a break in thought. i don’t like breaks in thought. i like run on paragraphs. in fact, i really like run on sentences, too. heck, let’s misuse commas while we’re at it. why the hell not. grammar has no place in the blogosphere. who needs it when i’m just blogging about my cute and sickeningly happy newlywed life? i know i don’t. in fact, i’m not sure how i graduated high school. but it’s ok. the important thing is that i did, and i’m writing a blog to tell the world about just how terrible i writer i am. i hate paragraphs…..i love reading blogs that don’t use paragraphs. i really like reading large blocks of text. i mean, it’s really convenient. my eyes like never-ending text. it makes them feel really good. especially when the text is about baby’s first rollover or how much they love to watch twilight while baby is napping. paragraphs are really lame, so i can see why people would want to read really long stories that never have a break in thought. i don’t like breaks in thought. i like run on paragraphs. in fact, i really like run on sentences, too. heck, let’s misuse commas while we’re at it. why the hell not. grammar has no place in the blogosphere. who needs it when i’m just blogging about my cute and sickeningly happy newlywed life? i know i don’t. in fact, i’m not sure how i graduated high school. but it’s ok. the important thing is that i did, and i’m writing a blog to tell the world about just how terrible i writer i am. i hate paragraphs.

hint: it’s the return button. to the right of your right hand. it just takes one little click.

ps. even better–i love entire blog posts that are not only one paragraph, but all in italics. italics are so fun. it makes my blog look cute. nevermind that it’s not very readable. it’s cute. and when it comes to my blog, that’s all that counts. cute. italics. yeah.

5. people who still use “rad” in all seriousness

i’m not sure what possesses people to still say, “that’s so rad” without joking. i mean…i’m pretty sure people my age completely missed the time rad was cool anyway, so wtf? what made you think it was cool to say? did you actually want to sound like a 1995 surfer from “socal” that “loves” punk music and black and white checkered vans? because, if that was the case, you don’t sound like one. you’re from utah. there are no beaches here. just sayin.

you could prolly say rad for reals if you were this guy, though:

and now for your weekly WIN! pleasure…

bummer. i hate shots, too.

you know what i love that he has, though? chums.

chums like these…

are always a WIN!

so are french braids for that matter.

and lastly, this is why you shouldn’t drive a t-r-u-k.

happy weekend.

that being said, it’s a things that must go friday.

1. subaru outbacks covered in bumper stickers. usually environmental/political.

what is it with subaru outbacks and bumper stickers? why are they always driven by a.) lesbians or b.) crazy biology professors with wild white hair and panama hats? and why is it that every outback i see is plastered in environmental and/or political bumper stickers? i’ve yet to see a subaru NOT plastered in stickers.

it’s amazing to me. i’ve never seen a stereotype more accurate than the outback. just sayin’.

2. overalls

this cat hates his life.

so will you if you wear these:

don’t bring these back. i don’t care if they’re couture. leave them to train conductors and polygs. kthx.

3. march madness

omg. don’t kill me and stop reading my blog. it’s just…i kinda hate march madness. i guess the office pools are fun, but i’m not in an office, so all they hype everywhere i go is obnoxious. i mean seriously. how many meatheads can i watch go crazy over a stupid college basketball game before i punch them AND myself in the face? not many. i’ll tell you that much.

i blame this on the fact that the doctor that delivered me was watching march madness WHILE pulling me out of the birth canal.  (of course, i don’t remember, but pamela tells me this is true. i tell her she should have gotten a discount on that delivery bill.) so, i was born to hate it.

don’t hate me.

4. subway $5 footlong song

omg. subway, i love you, and i love your any footlong for $5 deal, but for the love of all things holy, make the song STOP.

you’re going to drive jared to do this:

you don’t want the demise of an all-american icon on your hands, do you?

and just so you can have it in your head all day like i do every day of my life…here it is.

5. old, leathery women that are still on tv despite all odds

e.g.:

and

and this one perhaps isn’t as leathery, but why, why, why or more importantly, how, how, how does she still make it on tv?

all i can say is someone is sleeping with someone to make it on television at this point. just sayin’.

6. snow in march

whatever. i know i live in utah and this happens. but are you kidding me? it was 62 on wednesday, and now it’s snowing. why do i still live here? someone seriously please tell me why i haven’t moved yet. klasdjfklsajgkls;hg;alskfj. no, i will not get used to it. yes, i will pout about it.

and this week deserves a couple of solid WINS! in celebration of finally getting a solid interview.

this first one was submitted by mz. jena schmidt. it made me laugh, cry, and smile all while strangely wanting to listen to whitney houston:

you can’t watch that and not love life.

secondly, this absolute GEM came to my attention via my sis-in-law, Callie. this is absolute gold, kids. someone with a lot of time on their hands did us a favor and put this amazing old video to a new rap song. it’s so perfect it hurts. callie, i genuinely can’t thank you enough for this:

Walk it out fosse

and lastly,

happy friday, everyone. thanks for reading. and as always, if you have things that must go, by all means let me know. i’d love to hear your pet peeves and rants.

you know what that means? it’s time for a things that must go.

1. people that bring toddlers to movie theaters

this picture has nothing to do with toddlers in movie theaters, but it came up when i google imaged “toddler in movie theater.” you can’t tell me that’s a real baby’s body.

it’s one thing to take a toddler to a toddler movie. but i can’t help but wonder what went through that parent’s mind that is sitting next to me at the 10:30 showing of terminator salvation. i hope when you have to crawl past all of us at the peak of c. bale’s robotic uprising glory for the 50th time that night to help your child pee or stop crying–i hope that you have at least a small pang of regret.

you prolly won’t, though. i’ll prolly see you and your toddler at the midnight showing of the new twilight movie.

pa ha. funny joke.

2. crocs

ok. they had their time and their place. we know you love comfort, but unfortunately, if you’re not a doctor or a cook at a rest home, then croc time is over.

mitch and i have yet to see a clean pair.

also…

george w. rocking my personal favorite style: crocs n’ socs. need i say more?

and along the same lines, sir gerard, we best not forget to throw UGG boots with shorts into this category as well. it’s 80 degrees outside, but you need boots. you’re right. that does make sense.

3. thumb rings

pinkie rings? yes. thumb rings? only if you love west jordan high school circa 2001. and hot topic.

4. puka shell necklaces

delta sigma phi 4 life, bro!

5. superman/transformer decals on trucks

he’s compensating for something. guess what? i wish someone would explain the transformer one to me, though. is your rice rocket going to transform into optimus prime? should i change lanes? or do you just love shia le bouf?

connie is the one exception. she looks ready for her knife fight in the parking lot of the WJ del taco.

do you like my new spoiler?

now let’s kick off this bday weekend right with some weekly WINS!

my thoughts exactly.

and what would a TTMG be without some awesome amateur photography?

it’s ok! she’s got a bra on that ruins the artistic effect. looks like you all know what kind of christmas card you’ll be receiving from us in about 5 years. suckas!

this next one was irresistible because, well, mitch’s hair is just about there.

and lastly, one of my fav youtube fall videos ever…

second only to this one:

happy weekend!

that being said, it’s a things that must go friday.

1. dr. martens

just because you spent $90 on them in 1995 doesn’t mean you have to keep wearing them. and just because they don’t look “worn out” doesn’t mean they ever will–5″ soles of rubber tend to not wear out–but that still doesn’t mean you have to keep wearing them. oh, and just because they were your mission shoes and you tracted 18 bajillion doors wearing them and you see them as this massive mormon status symbol, that definitely doesn’t mean you should keep wearing them. sure, keep them as a little keepsake, but for crying out loud–stop wearing dr. martens.

unless you want to look like a 35-year-old mormon daddy that served a mission in mexico and now has a job as an engineer, still loves collective soul, has 4 kids, and an overly happy wife. then i guess you could pull them off. just sayin’.

2. velour track suits

similar story. just because you spent $150 on one at victorias secret 5 years ago, doesn’t mean you have to keep wearing it. and just because you have one in every color…

doesn’t mean you should keep wearing them. even if your bum is juicy, don’t tell us so via velour tracksuit. let’s leave these to porn producers and women with actual booties, i.e., j-lo, beyonce, and amy morby.

3. advertising with your children

i don’t care if your kid is cute-and most likely if you’re using them to advertise, they’re NOT cute-but either way, i’m not buying it. to me, this doesn’t say, hey, he’s a  “dependable” and maybe “reliable” and even “family friendly” plumber. rather, this says to me, “i’m comfortable exploiting my children to sell my crappy plumbing business.”

4. days we’ve been married counters

are you kidding me? who cares how long you’ve been married? oooh you’ve been married for 1 year, 14 weeks, 2 days, and 18 hours. pin a rose on your nose.

kill me.

5. ridiculous gas station convenience store names

why does every gas station convenience store have to have a name? rainbo mart. fast stop. on the run. and my personal fav, kum n’ go.

is this absolutely necessary? i vote no.

since it’s snowing outside and we could all use a little humor to get through it, here are a couple of WINS! for your TTMG viewing pleasure.

it’s a group shot of dogs in wheelchairs. it’s funny.

here’s amateur photography at its finest. i put this in here because i believe awesome amateur photography has made the TTMG list before. here’s a great example.

i would like to personally meet and thank whoever did this to this vending machine. a little Ice-T? yes please.

and lastly, a classic prank gone horribly awry.

have a good weekend, suckas!

i’m still waiting.

which really grinds my gears, peter griffin.

here’s another list of things that grind my gears.

1. old ladies that wear tank tops

this is a phenomenon that was first introduced to me at usu. i had a professor. she loved tank tops. she loved tank tops in the winter. she loved tank tops in the spring. she loved them always.

it wasn’t like she had a nasty body. in fact, she had better arms than most of us, but she was over 35. 35 isn’t old, but for the love of all things sartorial, wear some sleeves. (cough…kelly rippa…cough.) and i find it’s mostly business women that like to rock this style. and it usually involves a turtleneck. wtf? a tank top turtleneck? it’s just unprofessional or weird or i don’t know what–it’s just…old lady arms. cover them up. especially in professional settings.

i can’t find a good picture of a business woman tank top, but here’s kind of what i’m talking about. it’s just wrong.

***update! i found a picture!***

that is EXACTLY what i am talking about here, kids. there’s no way you don’t agree with me. no way.

2. jillian michaels

she might be a man. in fact, 90% of my spidey senses confirm this is true.

it was bad enough having her on biggest loser, but now she’s on infomercials all day long invading my couch time with her husky man voice demands to lose weight now with her new cleanse or nordic track treadmill!

i don’t trust trannies, jillian.

3. public service announcements

does anyone really watch these? or more importantly, does anyone actually watch these and feel moved to action?

my personal favorite is the national guard previews that have taken over dollar theater previews.

or the old school “the more you know” PSA’s.

but actually, nothing is better than “family: isn’t it about…..time?”

4. lol

your 1995 aol chat room called. it wants its phrase back.

5. lobsterfest at red lobster

i feel like it’s always lobsterfest at red lobster. and i feel like these commercials telling me that it’s “that time of year again” are deceiving. when does lobsterfest end or begin? it doesn’t! i smell a conspiracy.

ps, who even goes to red lobster? weirdos.

of course, what would a things that must go post be without a weekly WIN! brought to you by awkward family photos?

absolutely stunning.

and just because i’m so sick of this week of my utter discontent, here’s another one of my all-time favorite WINS!. i’ve posted this before, but that was when me and maybe mitch read my blog, so here it is again. (marci, i will always love you for bringing this to my attention.)

if you never watch videos that i post, at least watch this one. it will get your weekend started right…and that feels great! ooooh!!!

see you monday.

anyway, this week’s TTMG is kind of an olympic edition with two little random thoughts of the week thrown in for good measure.

1. ridiculously long voicemail menus

you can’t just check your messages anymore. you have to choose 7 to delete, choose 9 to save in the archives, choose 1 to replay, to return the message sender’s call, press 8, for more options press 6, and other unparallel lists and so on and etc.

all i want to do is hear my message in 30 seconds or less. sue me.

2. job hunting

i’m not sure but pretty sure this is the entrance to a job fair. but really it’s fairly accurate. this is what job hunting is like. it’s like kissing all kinds of employerly netherly regions.

the worst part is, the job market is so cutthroat that  a simple resume and interview are no longer sufficient. Nowadays, you have to schmooz a cover letter, land an interview, take tests, land more interviews, weave a native american handicraft, sell that handicraft for more than the other candidates are selling theirs for, eat an entire $5 taco bell box, and then sit through a kathy lee gifford album in its entirety.

not even a joke.

3. lindsay vonn

is it just me or is she incredibly arrogant? i don’t think i’ve ever wanted to punch someone so badly as i did the day she won her gold medal. first of all, what a cry baby weiner. second of all, i’m sick of hearing how hard you worked and how you deserved it. i don’t know if you realize this, mizz thang, but you’re at the olympics. EVERYONE has worked their bum bums off to be there.

whatev. i just need a little less of vonn and A LOT more of this stallion:

seriously. magical. ps–dear shaun, can i braid you hair? kthx.

4. people whining about how crappy vancouver is supposedly doing

dude. the canadians can’t control the weather. if they could, they wouldn’t be canadian. they’d be wizards. and they’d most likely reside somewhere in europe that’s secret and mythical.

plus, they came up with this mascot:

c’mon. cut them some slack.

5. the lack of coverage on the random but fabulous olympic events.

one word. biathlon.

dude. amazing. this was on the other day at 2pm, and all i can say is that america sucks for not getting more into this. shooting and skiing? i’m sure it made more sense back in the days when people had to shoot and ski for food, but whatever. this is awesome. why waste it on afternoon tv?

also, curling. i’m not into it, but i feel like i could be if someone would explain it to me.

basically, i think america would benefit from a little less vonn and a little more variety. (and shaun white.)

and this week’s WIN! is brought to you by male figure skating.

because who else can take themselves seriously while looking so outrageously flamboyant? hats off to you, plushenko, for rocking that mullet.

happy weekend everyone. remember to watch hockey on sunday.

1. engagement/wedding/any photos with b&w background and one cute little colored item in the foreground

don’t get mad at me. if you have wedding photos like this, don’t hate me. it’s just that this has taken over the wedding photo world with a vengeance. i’m sure yours is really cool, and i’m not knocking it. let’s just say i’m knocking the continuance of this trend.

and, to be clear, i’m mostly just poking  little fun at this trend because EVERY person with a nice D-SLR thinks they’re a wedding photographer now. and they’re starting a little photo business. and all they have is a fan page on facebook. and the only cool thing they know how to do is this effect. yeah.

so, just don’t hate me. it’s just a little out of control.

does anyone agree? maybe even just a little?

2. ed hardy

i heard someone say once that they were thankful for ed hardy because it allowed them to spot a moron from ten miles away. i’d have to agree.

3. facebook “if you agree, post this as your status” posts

[place your own snide comment here.]

we all hate them.

there’s really no comment from me needed. make them stop.

4. jay leno

this may be a little too late to be topical, but lately i’ve been thinking a little more about this, and, well, i hate him.

mitch informed me today that in a group setting, a poll was taken about who they preferred–sweet coco or leno. and the awesome boys in the group all preferred leno because “he has cool cars.”

really?

again–i know this is a little late in coming, but….he’s gotta go.

5. old women trying to dress young

i couldn’t really find a good picture, but you all know what i’m talking about here.

the 50 year old  utah mom with a huge house in draper that drives an escalade and dresses in 7 jeans and ed hardy shirts, has “stylee” hair, and a bad tan. they’re EVERYWHERE.

whatever happened to just aging gracefully? give it up. you look ridiculous.

sorry if this one was kinda boring. it’s been a leetle crazy in the morby household as of late. plus, i have to take a 4 hour test on tuesday for a potentially rockin’ awesome job, so…my mind is swimming in grammar. literally. semicolons and correct -ly usage and comma splices are floating around in my brain matters. yikes. wish me luck.

happy valentines day!

1. stick figure family decals

these are so cute. i think i might get a morby family one. it would look SO cute on connie. omg.

2. robot voice singing

i love you tpain. thank you for this phenomenon that has completely consumed popular music. i’ve never loved watching BET so much in my life. it’s like my childhood dream of a robotic uprising in the late 90s is finally coming true.

i promise you will love this music video.

3. overactive bladders

i’ve never had one, but i’ve heard they’re the pits.

i do like the slew of bad afternoon overactive bladder medication commercials, though. those can STAY!

4. concert ticket prices

since when did every concert cost $25+? how dare you not consider the fact that i’m in a marital condition, and that it’s not only $25, but it’s now $50+ to go to a show.

ps, i hate fun. for coming with jack’s mannequin. pps, jack’s mannequin is a joke, and i hate them. stop talking about them on facebook and how excited you are about the show.

ppps, why is cursive opening for alkaline trio? fail.

5. paige davis rc willey commercials

i would like to meet the marketing genius behind this campaign. i’ve never wanted an overpriced bedroom set so much in my entire life.

i just don’t know why we couldn’t let the torture stop after trading spaces. did we really have to have her take over utah? thanks for nothing, rc willey.

6. people not commenting on my blog

what’s the deal? i see the google analytics stats, and i know you’re reading it, so comment! come on all you lurkers–fess up and comment already! pa ha.

and this week’s WIN! brought to you by the most ingenious product name EVER:

that’s right–mama wants her body back. a new workout routine just for all you moms out there that have given up your life, happiness, and success by “giving up” your body for pregnancy. oh you poor souls. if you’re interested in learning more, you can visit mamawants.com. yep–mama wants.

and one more, just for good measure:

that’s not a fail–that’s a parenting WIN!

happy friday, kids.

]]> http://amymorby.com/blog/2010/02/05/friday-baby-yeah/feed/ 8 http://amymorby.com/blog/2010/01/29/because-you-hate-a-lot-of-things/ http://amymorby.com/blog/2010/01/29/because-you-hate-a-lot-of-things/#comments Fri, 29 Jan 2010 17:49:54 +0000 amy http://amymorby.com/blog/?p=388 it’s friday. hey ooooh.

1. rebath commercials

i don’t know if you’ve seen these commercials, but chances are, if you live in Utah and have watched any terrible mid-afternoon television, you’ve had the pleasure of watching one.

basically, rebath offers old people the power and security to shower again. huzzah! shower without fear!

the problem is….one of said commercials features a woman in the sunset of her life enjoying her walk-in bath tub….a little too much if you know what i mean. yikes. and bikes.

if you’re going to offer our geriatric friends independence, do show it this way, and please refrain from showing the elderly in the buff. (just watch the first 20 seconds. it will change your life.)

p.s., what are the chances his name is really Tom Kruse? pa ha.

2. aLtErNaTiNg UpPeRcAsE & lOwEr CaSe LeTtErS tO bE cUtE

this is not cute. grow up. this aint AOL chat anymore.

also, stop using numbers as text, e.g., sk8ing 4 U iz gr8!

america’s youth is doomed.

however, making swords out of keyboard symbols is perfectly acceptable: 0[////]>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

that’ll never go out of style. even if you’ve dropped aol.

i do hope you know how to detect sarcasm.

3. BEP’s today’s gonna be a good day song

whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat the hell is this song? STOP PLAYING IT EVERYWHERE I GO. since when did one song need to be played on every commercial, every news segway, every gym, every everything?

is anyone else noticing that this song is taking over America? are there subliminal messages inside or a high-pitched tone that only cool people can hear? wtf? is it all because of the flash mob dance on oprah and now we all have to listen to it so oprah can slowly take over the world with Steve Jobs without us knowing about it? oh oprah, you so sneakayyyyy.

maybe.

4. businesses with “4 U” in the name.

fashion box 4 u!

smokes 4 u!

nailz korea 4 u!

who else are the smokes and hot airbrushed nails for if not me? of course they’re for me–I’m your customer.

ps, read number 2.

5. miley cyrus

if our youth’s adoration for this phenom is any indication of where America is headed, and i think it is, i want out.

i’ll move to copenhagen.

and this weeks WIN! is a vintage treat hearkening all the way back from my youth in bullen hall with miss emily sorenson. words can’t describe the endless enjoyment this little delight afforded.

it’s a little long, but i promise you with 100% conviction that you will not regret taking a little time to watch it. it only gets better.

happy weekend, kids. we’re off to wendover.