because you hate a lot of things.

it’s friday. hey ooooh.

1. rebath commercials

i don’t know if you’ve seen these commercials, but chances are, if you live in Utah and have watched any terrible mid-afternoon television, you’ve had the pleasure of watching one.

basically, rebath offers old people the power and security to shower again. huzzah! shower without fear!

the problem is….one of said commercials features a woman in the sunset of her life enjoying her walk-in bath tub….a little too much if you know what i mean. yikes. and bikes.

if you’re going to offer our geriatric friends independence, do show it this way, and please refrain from showing the elderly in the buff. (just watch the first 20 seconds. it will change your life.)

p.s., what are the chances his name is really Tom Kruse? pa ha.

2. aLtErNaTiNg UpPeRcAsE & lOwEr CaSe LeTtErS tO bE cUtE

this is not cute. grow up. this aint AOL chat anymore.

also, stop using numbers as text, e.g., sk8ing 4 U iz gr8!

america’s youth is doomed.

however, making swords out of keyboard symbols is perfectly acceptable: 0[////]>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

that’ll never go out of style. even if you’ve dropped aol.

i do hope you know how to detect sarcasm.

3. BEP’s today’s gonna be a good day song

whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat the hell is this song? STOP PLAYING IT EVERYWHERE I GO. since when did one song need to be played on every commercial, every news segway, every gym, every everything?

is anyone else noticing that this song is taking over America? are there subliminal messages inside or a high-pitched tone that only cool people can hear? wtf? is it all because of the flash mob dance on oprah and now we all have to listen to it so oprah can slowly take over the world with Steve Jobs without us knowing about it? oh oprah, you so sneakayyyyy.

maybe.

4. businesses with “4 U” in the name.

fashion box 4 u!

smokes 4 u!

nailz korea 4 u!

who else are the smokes and hot airbrushed nails for if not me? of course they’re for me–I’m your customer.

ps, read number 2.

5. miley cyrus

if our youth’s adoration for this phenom is any indication of where America is headed, and i think it is, i want out.

i’ll move to copenhagen.

and this weeks WIN! is a vintage treat hearkening all the way back from my youth in bullen hall with miss emily sorenson. words can’t describe the endless enjoyment this little delight afforded.

it’s a little long, but i promise you with 100% conviction that you will not regret taking a little time to watch it. it only gets better.

happy weekend, kids. we’re off to wendover.