I can never seem to get a handle back on this blogging thang. Raise your hand if you’re going through an existential crisis! Because I’m right there with you, which is why I so sporadically visit this old spot. So I’m sorry for continually confusing you in your reader when I randomly pop up once every three weeks. But I love you for having me in there in the first place, if that helps at all.
So you’re having an existential crisis.
You’re 26. Just got back from a wildly intoxicating trip in New York City to see a dear, dear friend, and you can’t handle the post-trip blues.
You’re 26 and living in a city you dislike. With a certain genre of people that remind you of a past you’d rather escape. And you have demons that this city and these people bring up on the daily. You also dislike your current employment opportunities but simultaneously possess a crippling fear of both breaking out of comfort zones and having financial insecurity.
a.) Dig a hole in said begrudged city and crawl into it, refusing to come out until 2020 when Tina Fey is president and virtual reality worlds exist
b.) Continue grinding the day to day until you have no soul, but it’s totally ok because you have enough money for the mortgage and a pair of Hunter boots
c.) Throw caution to the wind and make some sort of life-altering change that may jeopardize any iota of security you currently have in the hopes that something worthwhile might actually come of it
My bets are on a and b, though my minuscule but vocal wild side screams c! C, Amy, C!
The problem is that C means a leap of faith. It means not knowing about money matters. And it means new and scary things, which we all fear. If you say you don’t, you’re totally lying and you know it. It’s ok. I lie about it, too.
C also means taking a chance on myself, which is one thing I rarely do. I am one of those weirdos that derives a morbid pleasure and satisfaction from denying myself the things I really want. This is mostly because I feel like I don’t deserve them but also because I’m afraid that anything good was an accident and is certain to end as soon as it began.
a.) a pessimist
b.) a realist
c.) a girl with low self-esteem writing weird things on the internet
The trick answer is d: all of the above. Don’t worry if you missed it.
So, at what point do you just say fuck it all! and make the leap? Is there ever any point in that leap where you feel like you’re doing the right thing? Or is it always scary? Is security all it’s cracked up to be? Does money really matter? And what happens with the emotional/financial fall out of chasing a failed dream?
This is the essay portion of the test. 20 bonus points if you work a War Games reference into your answer.