Monthly Archives: January 2010

you make the world a terrible place

01/22/2010

friday is here. huzzah for weekends. even though i'm useless and unemployed, i still love me a good weekend. and a good things that must go.

1. the dreaded papyrus font

dear every mormon mom "event planner", wannabe mormon mom photographer, crappy utah florist, and other assorted startup businesses that will never take off: PAPYRUS IS NOT COOL.

it's not pretty.

it's not "artsy."

it's not whatever it is that you want it to be.

i'll tell you what it IS. it's an abortion of a font. use it and you will fail. i promise.

stop using it as large decals on the back of your escalade in hopes of landing possible customers. looking at your crappy papyrus-ridden logo makes me want to run into you and collect the insurance money on Connie. just stop using it. just say no.

2. news clips about fat people that show random fat people walking around the town

so...just because you show their torsos doesn't mean those people can't tell that you secretly filmed them. so what if they were ordering 6 hot dogs from the crazy vendor on the corner of main street when you so slyly took footage of their jiggling middles....they have a right to their hot dog privacy just as much as you do. it doesn't matter that you don't show their faces. preeetty sure people will recognize themselves from their clothes. kinda awkward. plus, we don't really want to watch a bunch of fat people walking around downtown SLC. get a new idea, local news goobers.

3. attorneys that defend drunk drivers

you are pretty darn low on that ladder of social scum. nestled right along with pedophiles and maybe John Edwards.

4. bands like this:

that are eerily the same as bands like this:

who might be the same band as this:

besides the fact that they are all cookie cutters of each other and suck more than disco, i really don't think that a commercial to advertise your show at the e-center in april is really necessary. commercials?! psh. amateurs.

5. overly vocal republicans/democrats

completely, 100% out of control. i'm not taking a stance with either party. i hate politics, and I hate parties even more, so don't take this the wrong way. i'm just saying that if I have to hear one more republican zealot rant on facebook about how much you hate Obama and how happy you are about the Massachusetts election, or how much you love obama, and hate mormons/utah, i might just burn the proverbial mother down. you'd be whining if a republican was president too, so whatev. ps, healthcare is a disaster. i'm not sure how you're all not seeing that. but ok.

and today, i bring you TWO wins. lucky you.

firstly, this WIN! brought to you by Zack and Callie Morby, who delivered this incredibly amazing baby on January 21.

she wins for the most rockin' newborn I've ever seen. we love you guys.

secondly, this WIN! brought to you by our beloved failblog:

it might say FAIL, but that, in my eyes, is an epic, classy win. that's for you, Jenny Andrus.

have a good weekend.

Posted in Things That Must Go | 3 Comments

to my musical lovers:

01/21/2010

dear devendra banhart:

i <3 you. muchly. why couldn't we work out? oh, that's right. you were with Natalie Portman. maybe you still are. trivial matters. i'm sure mitch wouldn't mind if you moved in for a while. i hear utah is beautiful in the spring time.

dear tilly and the wall:

it's been two years. two longs years. you know i'm your number one fan, so what gives? i'd appreciate it if you put an end to this tapping drought for me and gifted me with a new album. maybe for my birthday. it's march 14. make it happen?

dear rilo kiley:

please see above letter to tilly. same goes for you. don't break up on me. i know you're wildly successful, jenny, but don't break my heart like that. can't you find success both solo and in group? i worship you; you know that. under the blacklight may not have been your shining moment, but you do no wrong in my eyes. come back. just one more album. i'll sell my soul for you, jenny. just one more album.

dear fleet foxes:

omg. thank you.

dear grizzly bear:

i think i finally get it. veckatimest. i see it now. i'm sorry i doubted you. welcome to my exclusive club of musical lovers.

dear decemberists:

i completely disown you. we had an enchanting love affair my sophomore year in high school. since then, you've given me nothing but broken promises and an abomination called the hazards of love. get off my ipod.

dear camera obscura:

congratulations on the best album of 2009. please come to America soon. preferably good ol' SLC. i swear i'll make it worth your while. whatever that means.

Posted in gimme my music | Leave a comment

catsitting is fun

01/21/2010

last week was spent cat sitting for my gorgeously fabulous aunt and uncle. their house is divine. needless to say, we took full advantage of hot tubs, larger than my apartment tvs, and fancy lasagnas.

the best part about their house is the knick knacks. endless knick knacks. and anyone that knows me knows.....i NEED knick knacks. it's basically the house of my dreams/needs/wants/desires/etc.