a much overdue things that must go friday

uh oh. it's been two weeks. so naughty right now. i hate this blog's design and interface so much that sometimes I just try to will it into spontaneously combusting. it never works. tell mitch to build me a new one.

wtf, where do fruit flies come from? we have one banana in the kitchen for cryin' out loud, and all the sudden there's a fruit fly on my screen all up in my wordpress grill. eff.

so, things that must go.

1. Ryan and Ashleigh

Are you kidding me, America? wtf, nigel?! don't tell me for one second that she just keeps getting better every week. I will punch you right.in.the.face. this couple is completely ridiculous. when someone justifies their crappy dancing by saing, "it's really hard to lift my body. I'm just always lifting weights," that's a dealbreaker, ladies. c'mon, America. let's vote them off this week so they can have nasty mormon sex back on the BYU campus and drink their muscle milk together.

2. facebook statuses about the weather

unless your name is Jenny Andrus or Laura Kramer (holla) and you say something really funny about the weather, then I don't want to hear about it. we all know you hate winter. we all know it just really grinds your gears and crushes your soul. I wish it was summer too, but bad news: you live in Utah. just because we have a slight change in the weather patterns doesn't mean we need to go jamming up my news feed with weathery angst. if you've got beef with the weather, then take it out on this scoundrel:

when it comes down to it, there's really nothing else to be angry about in the forecast besides the fact that this pointy mongrel is dishing the bad news to you. now THAT you can facebook.

3. Levi Johnston

you Alaskan scallywag. you're the next john and kate, mucking up my Entertainment Tonight viewing. seriously...every channel i turn to, there you are. I'll cut you. pa ha for knocking up palin's daughter, and pa ha on America for making you an insta-celeb. go, america!

4. droid vs. iphone biznass

all you technoturds on twitter just settle down. right now. can't we just all be winners? do you really have to make such a big deal over what smartphone is going to kill the other smartphone? ps verizon--your commercials are lame. and i got news for you. my phone DOES do all those iDon't things. It's called jailbreaking suckas!!! pwn!

(pa ha on me for working at a computer store and blossoming into a nerd. I credit my husband, my job, and my love affair with Mac rumor sites.)

5. glee

whaaaaat is this show? seriously...someone please tell me when musicals became Fox fodder. No, really. I want to know what the appeal is in this show. Am I missing something? Is this really NOT High School Musical only sexified and minus zac efron? wtf? no zac?! maybe next season.

crap. I watch too much tv. make that a 6th thing that must go: tv glut.

this week's WIN! brought to you by youtube phenom Scarlet (brought to my attention first by Jenny Andrus yeah baby)

and maybe another WIN! for your Friday pleasure. I dug this tender morsel up from my old blog. good times. lil c' would be so proud of my stank.