Monthly Archives: October 2009

October has come in with a vengeance. Besides bringing delightfully nippy weather, my personal favorite month has also brought a monstrous list of things that must go. You love it.

1. Panhandlers

They make stoplights the most awkward experience of your life. If you're going to stand on a street corner and beg, then at least have the decency to look distantly into the sunset instead of awkwardly and creepily into my car. Your staring doesn't make me feel guilty for not giving you the change in my car that's for Big Gulps--your staring just makes me lock my door and grab my iPhone to pretend I'm doing something important.

2. Facebook statuses about working out/dieting/feeling fat

Are you kidding me? Nobody cares that you woke up at 5am to do P90X and you FEEL SO GOOOOOD!!! YEAAAH!! WORKING OUT IS AWESOME!!!

a.) I'm sorry that you feel you need a pat on the back for doing something you're supposed to do anyway.

b.) yes, you SHOULD be working out, so...we don't care that you are because we all are, too...so shut up.

c.) facebook is not a dieting support group. also, you should probably keep your dieting follies to yourself. kthx.

3. Old Navy

Someone please tell me who thought this campaign was a good idea. I will punch you in.the.face.

also, cardicoat isn't a word, Old Navy. Suck it.

4. Visiting Teaching

No. I do NOT <3 visiting teaching. In fact, I would rather clean the church than do my visiting teaching. Oh wait, you're, right...it IS a good idea to juggle 5 different girls' schedules, tear my brains out trying to make small talk with snooty, rich newlyweds, and then unscrew my smile after 2 hours of sheer Utah Mormon fakery. Awesome. I love it.

Going to straight to hell for that one.

5. Microsoft

Stooping to a whole new low. No, this is not even a joke. Fo reelz. Thank you, Marci, for bringing this monstrosity to my attention. From here on out, you should be downright ashamed for owning a PC. That is all.

This week's WIN! is brought to you by David Letterman.

Instead of covering up a blackmail sex scandal, he set up a sting and threw the greedy CBS news correspondent blackmailer in jail. Sucka! Yes, he may have had sex with girls on the staff, but at least he was straight forward...and at least he set up a sting. You freaky old bastard, you.