I’ve been getting down and dirty with mindfulness lately. We’re talking the hippie dippy type shit of living in the present, meditation, minimalism, and all that good stuff. I started thinking about it all when I realized Prozac wasn’t helping anymore. And then the move happened and I went through a crazy roller coaster of grief and excitement and omg what have we done and it’s going to be ok. Throughout the roller coaster, I found a recurring thread of “Amy, this is your chance to shake it all off.” Or something more like, “dude, this is totally your Madonna reinvention moment.” I kept coming back to that thought, so I listened to it. And I figured mindfulness practice was the best way to get there. To practice really, really, really hard to stay in the present and not frame all of it around regrets from the past and fears of the future.
I’m reading Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now. He talks about unidentifying from your mind–those thoughts that run rampant and unchecked most of the time. That is not you. You are you. And when you unidentify from your mind and stop to listen to it–that’s when you find enlightenment. I KNOW. It’s all very vague, new-agey stuff, but it’s GOOD STUFF. Especially for someone with anxiety. It’s also hard to understand at times and even more difficult to practice consistently. I’m so used to my mind running that I don’t even notice it anymore until I’m in a horrible mood and I’m trying to figure out why.
It’s been kind of perfect to be unemployed for a minute right after moving to Seattle. I mean, I’m not stoked about not having a job, and I’m working hard to find one. But these quiet, slow mornings are the perfect chance to practice mindfulness. To sit in our new window bay with the windows open, smelling the rainy air, sipping dark coffee, and just being. Sitting. Experiencing the physical sensations of sitting and the warmth of the coffee in my left hand. My hair blowing in the breeze. I feel stupid writing this because it sounds like bullshit, but it’s making a big difference.
In the mundane of my Salt Lake City life, I forgot who I was and what I enjoyed. It was my own fault. I never stopped to think about it. I was NEVER present. I was rolling along with the tide of everyday living, forgetting to wake up and remember Amy throughout it all. I’m sure that will happen here again once I get a job and settle down with a routine, but I’m working on preventing it through mindfulness.
This post from Sarah of Yes and Yes is exactly what I’m talking about but more on the change side of things. Finding little ways to STAY AWAKE in life. Because it’s harder than it should be really. I’ve also mentioned that I’m doing Gala Darling’s Dare/Dream/Do course, which has been phenomenal for these same reasons.
ANYWAY. All I’m trying to say is I’m trying to reinvent my perspective and my life. I have a lot of time on my hands, which makes this really convenient, and that will (hopefully) change soon. But it’s refreshing, and I dig it, dammit. I’m just trying to find my happiness so I can start fresh in this new city. Sue me.
Any fellow mindfulness junkies out there? Book suggestions? Podcasts? Apps? Let’s hear it.