Fujica STX-1

who makes your money

I’ve been listening to Spoon non-stop lately. Spoon and The Cure. Three Imaginary Boys is my fall JAM, guys. Fall jam to the max. I love the Cure always and forever. Deal with it.

I mostly just wanted to say that human beings are pretty damn incredible. Sometimes you lose a little bit of that tiny faith in humanity and feel like the world hates you tremendously and you should just never wear pants again and stay home until a new wave of movies arrives on the Netflix “New Arrivals” list.

But then sometimes people like Jes say something so insanely nice about you that it takes you off guard, and you can’t even believe someone that nice and rad actually exists. Or you start a new job and everyone is crazy nice to you and says hey, dude. I’m glad you’re here. And you know? Saying I’m glad you’re here is totally underrated, and I’m going to say it more often. Or people comment here wishing me luck and saying congrats, and my mom calls after my first day to tell me she was thinking about me, and I get three texts from my girlfrans saying good luck and all that jazz.

People are good and kind and caring. Even on days when you’re 98% certain this is a total lie, you have to realize that the haters are just that vocal minority with this bizarre and oft-times entitled vitriol. They’re loud, and they’re angry, but they’re not the status quo. Don’t you forget it.

Humanity will be ok as long as we remember to say good morning, it’s nice to see you, and thank you. Even a smile in an elevator can cool down that raging anxiety attack from a 10 down to a cool 4. And I never realized all of this until I watched THIS VIDEO that you need to drop everything and watch right meow. Because we’re all in it together. Life ain’t easy for anyone. So why make it a total kick in the ass when it doesn’t have to be?

Thanks for being kind and good and awesome and caring. I promise I’ll work on being a more self-aware citizen of renegade kindness from here on out.

Until next time, some film photos of camping. Shot with the Fujica STX-1 and Kodak Portra 400 film.

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Fuji X-Pro 1

new/fresh/snazzy starts

Woah baby, hello! Sometimes I forget that I like to write, and when that happens I just make a lot of excuses about why I’m not writing. Like, oh, I’m really tired today, and work was tough, so I’ll just watch Extreme Cheapskates. Or oh yeah, I got a new job and start on Monday, so my mind just really isn’t there. And next week it will be Oh yeah, I started a new job this week and it’s been crazy, so yeah. And then I realize AMY–you’re being a total doofus. Just write. I make a lot of excuses, and I think that as a writer I get pretty darn good at making excuses. But I have to watch Rosemary’s Baby! It’s integral to my creativity that I watch this classic. And what I really need to do right now is finish reading The Secret History. I’ll write tomorrow. This couch really needs some bum fluffing because it’s looking dejected, and we can’t have that. And Royal really needs to be photographed right now because his nose is pink and the spot on the back of his foot is gray and adorable.

See? Excuses. I’m full of them.

The truth is, I did get a new job. One I’m wildly excited about. I know what all of you old readers are thinking–AMY YOU HAVE SO MANY JOBS GET REAL. To which I say, I KNOW, guys! I just have so many dreams. I can’t help it. Except this time I can because I feel like it’s kind of a dream job. And I plan to stay because it’s the perfect fit, and for once in my life, I feel so completely ready to be settled in something.

That being said, new jobs are exciting and terrifying all at once. And I leave my old job with much sadness–I worked with my best friend, and the team there was pretty much overwhelmingly amazing. I’ve never really left a job NOT angry at the situation, and I’m leaving this one ONLY because the perfect job happened to open up. So, this is a bittersweet week for me. The timing is weird, and I’m crazy scared to leave my comfy work family, but for the writer in me, this is the best move possible.

So, to all of you doing difficult things this week, I commend you. And I wish you the very best of luck because we are in it together. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my twenties, it’s that we are so much more capable of doing hard things than we really can even fathom. It’s wildly uncomfortable, it’s terrifying, and it’s disconcerting, but it’s always in you. Don’t forget that part. Because there’s really not a whole lot you CAN’T do. And I just wanted to remind you of that.

(More X-Pro 1 photos in NYC. The lat of the batch I swear.)

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Fuji X-Pro 1

Beep boop

Too much computer-ing lately. Too much work and too much worry over trivial things. And I say “hey, Amy. Get real!” It’s only Wednesday yet it mischievously feels like it should be Friday because weekdays are super sneaky like that. Those scamps. Do you feel like it’s really true that every day can’t be Friday because then we wouldn’t appreciate it? Because I hypothesize that’s a total myth we tell ourselves to soothe the pangs of harsh realities. Kind of like when you say “yeah, but if I didn’t work, I’d get so bored!” LIE. You wouldn’t. You would fill your days with whatever you chose to do, and it would be glorious. You could read books ALL DAY and play Bioshock Infinite ALL DAY and take walks and naps ALL DAY. Don’t you tell me you’d get bored, you crazy fool.

That’s assuming you have unlimited fundage. Or perchance you live in an alternate reality where money doesn’t exist, so work is unnecessary. I think you think you’d be “bored” not working because a.) you have to self-soothe somehow and b.) it’s all we know. All we know is working, so…what if you had never worked? Then you wouldn’t have any idea that choosing your own agenda on the daily was weird or luxurious. I’m just sayin’ these things on a Wednesday night. You know why?

And the only real reason why I blog these things is because looking through these photos makes me realize how much there is to see out there that I’m not seeing. BOOOO whiny white girl problems. I know. I can totally do something about it, but it’s all about figuring out what I really want out of life. And it probably doesn’t help that I’ve been listening to a lot of Eddie Vedder “Into the Wild” soundtrack either. I can’t decide if I’m embarrassed or thrilled about that. Either way, here are some photos of me and some other random New Yorkers.

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Fuji X-Pro 1

ode to katie

A break from New York posts to say this. Sometimes you meet people unexpectedly that are so wildly inspiring and contagiously kind that you don’t even know what hit you. This is Katie Edwards. A stranger turned coworker turned office mate turned amaze friend whom I love dearly. Katie is currently making a very exciting leap, and the positive vibes of goodness and success and living dreams emanates from her all the way from her upstairs office into my downstairs dungeon. I love her, and she was so kind to take our photos this last weekend with the Westy. If you know me or read my former blog at all, you know we love our Westy more than anything in the world, minus our cats. So to have Katie take our photos with her is a crazy honor, and I’m so excited I flash danced in my room in my undies.

Katie, you are incredible. Thank you so much for taking these photos that we will treasure on up mad hard. All photos taken and copyrighted by Katie Edwards. Go check her out, follow her insta, and her blog. She’s incredible.

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Fuji X-Pro 1

subway rats

The trip to NYC this time around was fairly transformative for me photographically. It was my first big trip with the X-Pro 1 and 14mm lens, which kind of changes the entire street photography game. I saw the whole city as a series of vignettes and snapshots, which was a thrilling new thang for me. And taking photos of people – random people – is my new favorite thing. New York is such a thriving hub of humanity, and as you sit on the sweaty subway with so many different humans, you get this overwhelming sense of just how cool humanity is. And street photography is a nice way to celebrate that. I’m into it.

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Fuji X-Pro 1

5 years ain’t nothin’ but a flesh wound

so here’s a weird fact. well, two weird facts. the first is that the shift key is broken on my keyboard, so i apologize for the seemingly blatant disregard for basic grammatical principles. it is not intended, i assure you. secondly, i’ve been married for 5 years as of last week. and i think that’s wild. mitch thought so, too, so we took a celebratory trip to visit this kid in new york and take a bold venture outside of our sheltered utah bubble.

the trip was a lot of things, all of which were pleasant and most of which were spiritually revolutionary. by that i just mean it gave my stagnant system a much needed jolt back into the pleasant realities that, believe it or not, do exist. contrary to popular belief, human beings are pretty neat, and the world has plenty of quality hearts willing to pour beauty into the cracks and crevices of life’s banal humdrum. and they do it willingly because they are passionate and because they couldn’t imagine life without it, and i think new york is kind of the hub of that goodness. and i dig it.

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more to come.

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Fuji X-Pro 1

night warriors. or, how I got my passion back

So, Melanie said something profound to this post that stopped me in my existential crisis tracks, and I cried out a resounding YES! Yes, Melanie. You speak truth. She said…

“So let’s make a pact to do it, even if it means being tired from a full time day job and then pursuing our other selves at night and on weekends until we can just take that leap. Do it. You won’t be alone.”

Yes. This is simple. And I maybe should have been able to figure this out on my own. But, thing is, being an American means you learn to base your entire worth off of what you do. So, unhappiness in your job often leads to unhappy entirely. Like, sweet. I’m not worth anything because I fail at jobs. And that’s a nasty snowball of a thought that quickly turns into I spend 8 hours a day there, 5 days a week, and I hate it, and I don’t know who I am, and I made a mistake in college choosing what I chose and AHHHHH the world is ending.

But then Melanie comes and says this to me. She reminds me that I have my nights. Yes, my nights usually involve the couch and Say Yes to The Dress. Because 99% of the time work made me so crazy that it’s all I can really do. But maaaaaaybe I could redirect some angry energy into positive energy into what I have to look forward to post 9-5. Revolutionary idea, right? This is where you say, pfft–Amy, you crazy! Quit being a pessimist and get on the train most of us are on. To which I say, I KNOW. Late to the game. But I forgot there was life outside of a job.

So, I do Project Life. I take guitar lessons. I have wine nights with my girlfrans. I make weird soups in my Blendtec that haven’t really turned out, but at least I tried. The point is, you can pursue your passions at night. And as someone that can’t quite make a huge leap into a career shift or going back to school QUITE yet, I think this thought is pretty neat. So, thanks, Melanie, for reminding me that there’s still life outside of the career.

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Fuji X-Pro 1

oh dear

I can never seem to get a handle back on this blogging thang. Raise your hand if you’re going through an existential crisis! Because I’m right there with you, which is why I so sporadically visit this old spot. So I’m sorry for continually confusing you in your reader when I randomly pop up once every three weeks. But I love you for having me in there in the first place, if that helps at all.

So you’re having an existential crisis.

You’re 26. Just got back from a wildly intoxicating trip in New York City to see a dear, dear friend, and you can’t handle the post-trip blues.

You’re 26 and living in a city you dislike. With a certain genre of people that remind you of a past you’d rather escape. And you have demons that this city and these people bring up on the daily. You also dislike your current employment opportunities but simultaneously possess a crippling fear of both breaking out of comfort zones and having financial insecurity.

Do you…

a.) Dig a hole in said begrudged city and crawl into it, refusing to come out until 2020 when Tina Fey is president and virtual reality worlds exist

b.) Continue grinding the day to day until you have no soul, but it’s totally ok because you have enough money for the mortgage and a pair of Hunter boots

or

c.) Throw caution to the wind and make some sort of life-altering change that may jeopardize any iota of security you currently have in the hopes that something worthwhile might actually come of it

My bets are on a and b, though my minuscule but vocal wild side screams c! C, Amy, C!

The problem is that C means a leap of faith. It means not knowing about money matters. And it means new and scary things, which we all fear. If you say you don’t, you’re totally lying and you know it. It’s ok. I lie about it, too.

C also means taking a chance on myself, which is one thing I rarely do. I am one of those weirdos that derives a morbid pleasure and satisfaction from denying myself the things I really want. This is mostly because I feel like I don’t deserve them but also because I’m afraid that anything good was an accident and is certain to end as soon as it began.

Amy is…

a.) a pessimist

b.) a realist

c.) a girl with low self-esteem writing weird things on the internet

The trick answer is d: all of the above. Don’t worry if you missed it.

So, at what point do you just say fuck it all! and make the leap? Is there ever any point in that leap where you feel like you’re doing the right thing? Or is it always scary? Is security all it’s cracked up to be? Does money really matter? And what happens with the emotional/financial fall out of chasing a failed dream?

This is the essay portion of the test. 20 bonus points if you work a War Games reference into your answer.

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Fuji X-Pro 1

mass media consumption

And as the summer’s greatest hermit, I consumed a lot of media. So much that I wish I wasn’t admitting it, but guess what? I am. Because I don’t believe in being ashamed. Girl, you watch what you want to watch. And don’t you use hashtag sorry not sorry because then you’ll follow it with #longhairdontcare and ain’t nobody got time for that.

So yeah. I consumed a lot of media this summer. What’s it to you? I listened to We Can’t Stop on repeat just like the rest of you. Don’t act like you didn’t. Because I know you did. And I had mixed feelings about Yeezus and felt underwhelmed but content with Atoms for Peace. I was confused by The Terror, but what else is new from the Lips? It’s the confusion that I love. I saw them live this summer for the first time as well, and obvs it didn’t disappoint. I was front row! And Wayne smiled at me. And then got kicked off Instagram. He’s a baller.

I think the biggest question of our time is…how does anyone in the Miley Cyrus 23 video take themselves seriously? If you can answer that, I will mail you a wooden nickel via USPS and all of my respect.

I also read a lot of books because I kind of started writing one. So I guess I figured that if I’m going to write one I should brush up on some literary ish. So I did. I recommend these:

-Where’d You Go Bernadette?
-These Is My Words
-Bird by Bird
-The Glass Castle

I also kind of liked Cuckoo’s Calling. Will I be judged for that? What’s the general public’s opinion on that one thus far? I try to avoid book reviews because I’m completely too swayed by them. I kind of figure the reviewer is smarter than me, so if they didn’t like it, I’m not allowed to like it. Did you read it and like it?

I also fell into this bizarre film universe recently that I am embracing. Yes for embracing! So much David Lynch. And once I watched Blue Velvet, I couldn’t stop listening to Roy Orbison. I kind of liked World War Z, even though the nerds told me it sucked because it wasn’t true to the graphic novel. I watched The Godfather and Scarface, and that kind of fostered this weird crush on young Al Pacino.

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And you can download THAT as a wallpaper. Treat yo self.

I was wildly disappointed with the finale of RuPauls’ Drag Race season 5. If you agree, I just need you to comment down below to validate my feelings. I won’t give any spoilers, but…let it be known that I, Amy Morby, was let down. We all know who should have won that season. Oh the shade. The shade of it all.

I will unabashedly tell you that I loved Pretty Little Liars and ate up every season Netflix gave me. I hate Emily’s perma-concerned eyebrows and covet Aria’s hair. Sue me. Hannah and Caleb forever.

I rekindled an old, ancient flame with X-Files. That show raised me. And thanks to Dana Scully, I am who I am today. Which is why I impulse bought this print one day when I was totally bummed at work and hung it proudly as the centerpiece in my living room.

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And now it’s on to Battlestar Galactica (I know. Late to the game.) and Arcade Fire. The new single blew my mind, and I don’t care what anyone says. Deal with it.

Now give me your book suggestions! Go!

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