I asked you guys where a gal could get some damn confidence the other day. I still don’t have a concrete answer, but I DID go to my book club last night where we discussed The Confidence Code. They didn’t have the answer I was looking for either, but they DID pose some helpful definitions.
Ruminate on the following:
“Confidence is the purity of action produced by a mind free of doubt.”
“Scholars are coming to see it [confidence] as an essential elements of internal well-being and happiness, a necessity for a fulfilled life. Without it you can’t achieve flow, the almost euphoric state described by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi as perfect concentration; the alignment of one’s skills with the task at hand. Flow is like being in the athletic zone; it is a state of mastery impossible to reach without confidence.”
“…confidence is thew ay we meet our circumstances, whether they are wondrous and wonderful or really hard and difficult. It’s almost like a wholeheartedness, where we’re not holding back. We’re not fragmented. We’re not divided. We’re just going towards what’s happening. There’s an energy to it.”
“Confidence…is not letting your doubts consume you. It is a willingness to go out of your comfort zone and do hard things.”
Simply put, but oh so hard to master.
I woke up today with these ideas in mind, and I tried to cross the busy Seattle streets with confidence. I walked with purpose. I ate lunch with a new friend. I said hi to new coworkers I barely know. I took multiple phone calls without lapsing into shaky quaky phone anxiety voice. I stopped to take a photo on the street, even though I knew the million people around me would mock me in their heads saying, “TOURIST! Stupid tourist.” But I didn’t care. The sky was blue, the leaves were golden, and the bricks were white. I wanted to capture it. So I did with about 93% confidence and only about 7% of “you are an idiot and everyone knows it.”
Today was a good day. I wrote what needed to be written, and I said what needed to be said. I liked it. And I think I felt the “flow” they were talking about.
I’ll leave you with this: last night someone blew my mind by telling me that I needed to reframe confidence. It’s not being showy, and it’s not being fearless. It’s embracing fear and reframing ALL of it as a big fat learning experience. With a capital L. Here I was, all this time thinking confidence meant I never had to feel scared. I always felt scared, so I assumed I didn’t have it. But BAM–mind blown.
Feeling nervous doesn’t mean a lack of confidence. It’s what I DO with the nervousness that puts the proof in the confidence pudding.
So here’s to reframing. Maybe we’re all a little more confident than we thought we were. Now enjoy some pumpkin patch photos from last weekend and FEEL FESTIVE. Halloween is a mere day away, bitches!